Alright folks – this was really hard, but Cynthia and I agreed on five apron designs for you all to vote on. The winner will have his or her apron design custom made courtesy of Cupcake Provocateur, and guess what? One of you will win a prize just for voting – a $25 gift certificate to Cupcake Provocateur!

Vote for your favorite design below (you can only vote once) and if you want to be entered in the giveaway, leave a comment on this post letting me know you voted (you don’t have to say for who).

The poll is open until May 23rd – we’ll announce the winning design and the winning voter that same week!

Joy – Day of the Dead

“My inspiration for this apron is heritage, life, Dia De Los Muertos, tattoos , Mexican pin ups, lucha and lowriders. Why? I grew up in Southern California, and now live in Oregon. Culture shock.  I miss bouncing cars with dingle balls and tuck n roll, eating taquitos at Olvera Street and stopping at fruit stands on hot summer days.  Putting on an apron, with all these things somehow represented, would make BBQing in the rain much more bearable.”

Lily Munster – Elise

“I chose Lily because her character is so fun, she’s the rock of her family, and who else is such an awesome wife that she would custom make her husband a hot rod hearse for his birthday?! My apron is clearly designed after her dress, but what an iconic outfit! The apron is in light purple with black ribbons. The tie back is black and white, a nod to that flash of white in her hair. The pockets have bats on them like her killer necklace and the bottom of the apron is scalloped like the sleeves of her dress.  I put a light ruffle behind the scalloped edge because the apron she wears in the show has ruffles on the bottom I thought it would be super cute on this one. ”

 

Scooter – Crystal

 

“I’d love one of the waitress style aprons in a scooter theme. (I own both of these fabrics to contribute to the apron!) I’d also love to buy a matching one for my daughter, they’d be so perfect for girl scout cookie sales next year! ”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pyrex – Leigh

 

“My favorite vintage Pyrex pattern is Butterfly Gold. One cool thing about this pattern is how it was made as a burnt orange (or “gold” I guess) pattern on white, and also as a white pattern on burnt orange. I like the look of a classic style half apron like the one in the collage, and think this style of apron lends itself to this design idea:  have the apron body be white, and the top border of the apron have the burnt orange Butterfly Gold Pyrex design. The inner pleats of the apron could peek out as burnt orange, to contrast the white body of the apron. I think the orange inner pleats would really make this design stand out and be super cool. My dream apron, for sure!”

 

 

 

Cupcake Devil – Tom

This is Tom’s design, submitted without comment. Now that’s confidence, folks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey! Here’s a quick round-up of news, events and other things I have coming up.

First of all, the Cupcake Provocateur custom apron contest has officially closed! Cynthia and I are reviewing the entries and will be posting the top 5 for you to vote on next week. Don’t forget – one random voter will receive a prize from Cupcake Provocateur just for voting, so it’s worth the two seconds it will take you to do so!

My company Greyslater is vending at the Randolph Street Market on May 26th & 27th. There should be a lot of cool, indie stuff for sale including our Made in the USA, eco-friendly wares so if you’re in Chicago come check us out!

On May 31st I’ll be on the panel of judges for Whole Foods’ “Health Starts Here Food Fight” – a healthy cooking competition. Three cook off finalists will be preparing dishes and you can come join in the tasting! Check out Whole Foods Lincoln Park for the details!

I received a tentative date for my premiere appearance on the Cooking Channel! Tune into The Perfect 3 on July 14 to watch me make Vegan Banana French Toast Cupcakes along with host Kelsey Nixon!

I just agreed to serve my third consecutive term as a mighty, mighty Threadcakes judge! Check out this video from my first year as judge – and follow Threadcakes on Twitter to find out when the competition kicks off!

Once in a while I come across a company I’m super stoked on – like Betty Turbo or Lucky Cupcake Hairclips or Seibei. Well, it just so happens that I am currently stoked on two new companies, so here’s a little bit about them. (Nope, these are not paid testimonials. These are my actual opinions on brands I actually discovered & love.)

Rad Nails – This totally radical nail sticker company is the brainchild of my college pal Chrissy. She’s currently an Assistant Editor at MTV, and she’s always flossing the craziest nail art. You can probably guess which set of stickers I ordered – and no, it’s not the Ryan Gosling set. Anyway check it out because it’s gonna blow up!

Credit for this discovery goes to my husband Tony – Aframes Eyewear. Not only are their frames super cute, but they also donate 5% from each sale to Helen Keller International which helps to fund the manufacturing and distribution of vitamin A supplements in 22 countries. Vitamin A Deficiency is the number one cause of childhood blindness – so your purchase of  retro-style frames from Aframes helps to combat preventable and treatable blindness all over the world.

So that’s my story! Bye!

Near the end of last week I received a text from my friend Phil (CM Punk) that read something like, “Hey, I know you’re old and stuff so it’s probably too late for you, but it’s Cabana’s birthday next week and we’re having a surprise party on Tuesday. We’re all going to yell ‘Over the Top!’ You should come if you can.”

I was so torn – on the one hand, I knew Punk was singing the 7th inning stretch at the Cubs game that day – which meant they wouldn’t even be back at his house until almost 11pm. I get up at 6am to get Teno ready for school. On the other hand, or rather, on my left leg, I have an Over the Top tattoo because it’s the greatest movie about arm wrestling, tuck driving and the love between a father and son ever made.

“Gahh, I can’t make it,” I replied. “But I’ll bake. What would Colt like?” The answer? Over the Top cookies. Game on.

Lucky for me, I had just been stalking The Decorated Cookie, and was anxious to try some of the techniques for drawing on cookies and making homemade fondant. So I set aside some time (two days, to be exact,) and what you see above is what happened at the end of those two days.

The Cookies

First, I decided on 2.5″ square chocolate sugar cookies. Punk had suggested chocolate chip, but I was worried they’d be too soft to hold up to all of the insane things I was about to do to them. In hindsight, I should have gone with vanilla sugar. I covered these in a poured icing and the chocolate cookies showed through.

Poured Sugar Icing

I made the dough, chilled it for about 2 hours, then rolled it out and chilled it again. I cut the shapes quickly and baked them. Once they cooled, I coated 1/2 the batch in poured sugar icing which I tinted white. (Tinted, because I used soy milk, which can make white icing yellow.)

Like I mentioned, I should have made vanilla cookies, and I was pretty sad to see my white icing not covering the dark chocolate cookies properly. I made another batch of icing and tinted that one blue, figuring it could be the sky behind a semi or something. Blue worked better, but still wasn’t perfect.

Marshmallow Fondant

I let those set up overnight. The next day, I went to Great America and rode rollercoasters all day. Then I went to Steak n’ Shake and drank a Nutter Butter milkshake. After that, I came home and made a batch of marshmallow fondant. If you’ve never used fondant, it’s kind of like Play Doh except you can eat it. Store bought fondant tends to taste like ass, but I admit I did use store-bought black and skin tone because I wasn’t certain I could achieve those colors at home. But for all the other colors I needed, I used this recipe:

• 4 cups mini marshmallows
• 2 tablespoons water
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 pound confectioner’s sugar
• vegetable shortening

Grease a microwave-safe bowl with vegetable shortening and lube up the paddle on your stand mixer while you’re at it. Add the marshmallows, water and vanilla to the greased bowl and microwave for 30 seconds, until the marshmallows start to puff and melt. Stir the mixture until it’s smooth and runny – you might need to zap it for a few more seconds to achieve this. Place the confectioner’s sugar in the bowl of your stand mixer, and add the marshmallow mixture to it. Beat on low until a round ball of dough forms. Knead the dough on a table dusted with confectioner’s sugar, wrap in plastic wrap and let it sit for about 30 minutes.

For each color I needed, a used about an egg-sized chunk of fondant. If you have food-safe gloves, now would be the time to put them on. Add a few drops of gel coloring (like Americolor) to the fondant, and knead it in. You’ll need a lot of coloring to make red, and if you want to make black, I recommend making modeling chocolate and tinting it black. Occasionally I had a hard time working the color in evenly, when this happened I’d nuke the wad of fondant for about 10 seconds, work in the color, and then let it cool and set up before rolling it out.

Bull Hurley-ification

Roll out the fondant, dusting your counter and rolling pin with confectioner’s sugar, and cut the shapes you need, or model shapes as if you were using Play Doh. For my South Park-like Bull Hurley cookies, I used a small round cookie cutter for the head, and a small square for his sleeveless Blaster shirt. I eyeballed the arms, and cut them with a pairing knife, and made his facial hair by rolling small pieces of black fondant just like Play Doh. His eyes were pre-made candy eyes I bought at the cake supply shop.

I should note that I also sketched my ideas before I got started, so I knew what colors to make and what shapes to cut out. I had some big plans to make semis and all kinds of things, but just as I was finishing my first 6 cookies, Teno came down with a gnarly fever and I literally finished the last 10 cookies in one hour. You can tell which ones I spend time on, but I hope Colt got a laugh out of all of them anyway.

I used food writers (markers with edible ink) to draw on facial details and other accents. For the arm wrestling cookies, I first cut a “w” shape and then used my fingers to reshape it into rounded elbows and clenched fists. I used the food writers to draw on fingers and tattoos.

At the end of day two I had 16 cookies, 6 of which I was super happy with, neatly stacked in a box and ready for Colt. But how could I get them to Punk’s house when I’m at work and he’s out of town? Solution: wrap the cookie box in plastic wrap, then in paper, and then hide it inside a shoe box and have Colt pick them up, and unwittingly deliver his own birthday cookies to his own surprise party! Genius.

Cookie Kayfabe

So on Monday night at 7:30pm Colt rang my buzzer and made his way up to my apartment. I was already nervous he was going to ask me why he had to come all the way over just to bring Punk an unusually heavy pair of Nikes, so when the first thing he said to me was, “smells good, did you make cookies?” I basically crapped my pants. I stammered something about having a sore throat and spraying Chloraseptic, which made no sense, to which Colt replied, “No, it doesn’t smell like Chloraseptic, it smells like cookies.” Then he held up the box and said, “Maybe it’s this?”

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Then I just kind of shoved him out the door, thanking him for coming over and I immediately texted Punk a panicky text, which he ignored.

Anyway, for my first time 1) making fondant 2)using poured icing and 3) using food writers I thought they turned out kinda radical. I hope Colt liked them too, he’s a great guy with fantastic taste in movies.

When we were still in high school my friends and I dedicated one week during summer break to watching all the Hellraiser movies, one a night, every night until we’d seen them all. (Had we done this a few years later we could have had a week-long marathon of mostly crap, let’s be honest.)

Hellraiser Headquarters was my friend Tony’s house because his parents were rarely home, and they were home, they were usually asleep. Like any good Italian household the fridge was always stocked – and like any American teenagers we were happy to empty it. Unlike most teenagers, however, we were foodies in the making – plotting meals to accompany each installment. There was no pizza and popcorn at our summertime shindigs – rather, antipasto salad, baked spaghetti and homemade mac n’ cheese.

Our meal choices were not just based on what we actually wanted to eat, but we also accounted for what would be the most disgusting to chew on while we watched flesh being ripped from bone.  Just as the Cenobites delivered pleasure and pain, we served up dishes that were as delectable as they were revolting.

Struggling to make the connection? Just take a look at this antipasto salad – the fleshy salami, the squiggly fusilli, the chopped bits and pieces, varying in color, texture and flavor. Skip the utensils and get in there with your hands to mix it all together – you’ll get it. But even if you’re not eating to the tune of Frank Cotton’s demise the tangy mustard vinaigrette and salty fixin’s can’t be beat on a summer day. And much like the Hellraiser series, Cenobite Salad Day I and Cenobite Salad Day II are palatable, but Cenobite Salad Day III is a bit much. Don’t even bother eating it by the fourth day.

This whole dish comes together in the time it takes to cook the pasta, and there’s no need to chill it ahead of time – so you can have dinner on the table in the time it takes to say “Jesus wept.”

For the vinaigrette you’ll need:

• 1 bunch of fresh basil, stemmed and chopped
• 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
• 1 garlic clove, halved
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
• 3/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil

For the salad you’ll need:

• 1 lb fusilli pasta
• 1/2 cup hard salami cut into strips*
• 1/2 cup smoked turkey cut into strips*
• 1/4 cup Provolone cheese cut into strips
• 1/4 cup grated Asiago cheese
• 1 roasted red pepper, cut into strips
• 3/4 cup green olives, halved
• 1/4 tsp salt
• freshly ground black pepper

* While I enjoy watching the Cenobites turn people into meat, I do not like eating meat. So I used veggie versions of these in my antipasto – 1 pkg smoked Tofurkey and 1 pkg of veggie pepperoni (I haven’t found veg salami yet!)

Then you:

Bring a large pot of salted water to boil over high heat. Add the pasta and cook until tender, drain.

While the pasta cooks, combine basil, vinegar, garlic, mustard, salt and pepper in a blender. Blend until the basil and garlic are finely chopped, then with the machine running, drizzle in the olive oil until the dressing is smooth.

In a large bowl, throw the pasta and remaining salad ingredients together. Drizzle with the dressing to coat.

Originally posted on Brutal as Hell, July 2009

Entries keep on rollin’ in for the second not-so-annual Cupcake Provocateur Bake and Destroy Custom Apron Contest! A week or so ago I shared a few of my favorite entries so far, but we’ve received a lot more since then so I’m sharing a few more. Remember. you have until April 30th to send your sketches, collages and ideas to us at CPApron2012@gmail.com. Then Cynthia and I will choose our top picks and Bake and Destroy readers will vote on a winner. Someone will win a prize just for voting, too, so it’s fun for everyone!

Check out all of the official rules here, and you can see the previous winning idea here. And now for a peak at some of the entries:

All I can say is that if Amanda S. wins with her Game of Thrones-themed submission “A Spatula in the Dark,” I’m going to have to ask Cynthia to make me one too. You know nothing, Jon Snow.

Agnes B.’s Mod-inspired design is so cute you could almost wear it as a dress. You might also know Agnes as Betty Turbo, by the way, she’s a wrestling fan and fine donut artist and if she wins she promises to paint her nails to match her prize:

Your final peak (although there are many, many amazing aprons currently in our inbox) is this one from Crystal G. Ok, so maybe I was slightly influenced to share this one because she sketched me wearing her lemon meringue apron… but let this be a lesson to all of you: flattery will get you everywhere!

Like I said, we’re accepting entries until April 30th and the winner is going to receive his or her dream apron custom made by Cynthia! Who owns a custom apron? That is some posh shit you guys! Get to work, because the next post you see about this is going to be for the final vote!

When I was about to watch The Evil Dead for the first time at a slumber party back in high school, the very first scene that my friend described to me was the scene for which I wrote this recipe.

I’m not sure why she thought “this one girl gets raped by a tree” would make me want to see this particular movie, and even more curious is the fact that “this one girl gets raped by a tree” did make me want to see this movie. I was every bit as shocked and horrified by Cheryl’s unfortunate run-in with nature as I thought I would be, and the image of those writhing vines and branches has never fully been erased from my mind.

It occurred to me recently that Arbor Day, celebrated in the United States on the last Friday in April, is probably Cheryl’s most hated holiday. I considered going out and kicking every tree I saw that day in her honor, but I don’t really think that’s enough considering… well, considering. And that’s when I thought of something completely diabolical- the best/worst possible way to get back at anyone or anything that does you harm. Eat its children.

Now technically, the seeds contained in fruits are the “children,” and the fruit itself is an ovary of sorts. I remember gagging when I learned that in high school biology and I still can’t eat apples without feeling like a cannibal, which luckily, I enjoy. All nuts are seeds (but not all seeds are nuts- thus concluding a sentence that is sure to make my husband laugh.) So basically, when you eat Cheryl’s Revenge Cookies, you are consuming reproductive organs of various trees, as well as their babies. And that, I believe, is a suitable revenge for poor Cheryl.

I have made these cookies vegan* because chickens and cows didn’t do anything vile to Cheryl. Only plants. So plants and trees alone shall bear the punishment. This recipe leaves lots of room for customization, and the ingredients are purposefully vague. Use whatever dried fruits (cranberries, raisins, blueberries, apples, banana chips, cherries, etc) and whatever kind of nuts you like. Go crazy and add chocolate chips! Who gives a damn?

You’ll need: 

• 1 cup + 2 Tbs all-purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp course salt
• 1/2 cup soy margarine (I like Earth Balance)
• 1/2 cup light brown sugar
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 Tbs flax seed, finely ground + 3 Tbs of water (or, if you’re using pre-ground flax seeds, use 2 Tbs)
• 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1 & 1/2 cups chopped nuts, your choice
• 1  & 1/2 cups dried fruit, your choice
• 3/4 cup sweetened, shredded coconut or whole rolled oats

*If you do not wish to make these vegan, substitute butter for the margarine and use 1 whole egg in place of the flax seed and water mixture.

Then you:

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and line two baking sheets with parchment paper. (You can also use a Silpat, but parchment kills more trees.)

Whisk the dry ingredients together in a small bowl. With an electric mixer, beat the margarine until smooth and fluffy. Add sugars and beat until smooth. In a small bowl, whisk the ground flax seed and water together until thick and gooey. Add this to the sugar mixture and beat until combined. Mix in vanilla.

Add the flour mixture to the wet ingredients and mix until smooth. Stir in the nuts and fruit.

Drop batter (2 Tbs = one cookie) onto the lined baking sheet, about 2” apart. Bake 12-15 minutes or until golden brown. Transfer to wire rack to cool.

Makes about 2 dozen vengeful, murderous cookies.

Originally posted on Brutal as Hell, April 2009. 

I had to type up a quick post to show you a couple of the submissions Cynthia and I have already received for our custom apron giveaway. I hope these creative entries spark your imagination – the contest is open until April 30th! For all the details, check out my post: The Custom Cupcake Provocateur Apron Contest is Back!

These two submissions from Lavina G. are each adorable in their own way. I love the idea of a puffy rainbow apron – brings me back to my Rainbow Bright days! Are you starting to think of ideas of your own? Good!

There is a special place in my cold, black heart for this design, and not just because its designer Chelsie J. is the driving force behind Dottie the Demon Darling jewelry, either. Even Satan has a housewife, right?

Your last teaser comes from Erica F., who was inspired by the cherry blossoms in her former Japanese home. A military wife, she often baked cookies for the marines, and this apron reminds her of those times.

So as you can see, contestants are drawing inspiration from lots of places! OK, I lied… one more. I made a collage to describe my dream apron back in 2012:

“Peg Bundy meets The Cramps – would be a half apron that ties with a black patent faux-leather sash. An acidic-colored leopard print skirt – lime green or hot pink – with loads of fluffy tulle underneath to make it poofy and obnoxious. I will wear it while lying on my couch watching Russ Meyers films and eating bon bons.”

So as you can see, you don’t need to be Michelangelo to send us your idea – just sketch it, make a collage, or whatever you need to do to describe the apron of your dreams! One lucky contestant will receive his or her apron, custom-made! Now get to work! Send your submissions to CPApron2012@gmail.com before April 30th!

Back in 2010 I posted a Q&A with the founder and head designer of Cupcake Provocateur, Cynthia. A lot has happened since then, including Cynthia’s recent announcement that she has a mini cupcake in the oven (translation: a baby on the way!) But despite all the hubbub at Cupcake Provocateur headquarters, Cynthia asked me to host another custom apron contest and giveaway!

Just like our last competition, this is your chance to design & win your own custom made Cupcake Provocateur apron. Here’s how it works:

1. You email Cynthia and me your design – it can be a sketch or a collage that represents your idea.
2. Don’t worry about being an ace illustrator, because we’re also asking that you include a short description of your dream apron. (No more than 300 words, please!)
3. Cynthia and I will choose our top 3-5 favorite submissions and post them right here on Bake and Destroy.
4. My readers will vote for the winner – and one lucky voter will also win something special for him or herself.
5. The winner, as chosen by Bake and Destroy readers, will have his or her custom apron brought to life by Cynthia – and it will be the winner’s to keep!

Check out my video to see my dream apron idea and to hear me babble about this year’s contest:

The contest is open until April 30. We’ll post our top picks in early May. Email your submissions to CPApron2012@gmail.com and good luck!

Oh, and if you’re the curious-type, here is last competition’s video too. (Please note that the submission email address has changed since the 2010 contest!)

Check out the 2010 winning submission & finished custom apron here! Please allow 3- weeks after a winner is chosen fr the custom apron to be finished and shipped!

Here is a fact you cannot argue with me about: Nickelodeon’s programming in the 1990′s was stellar. Doug, Hey Arnold, The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Aaahhh! Real Monsters, Rocko’s Modern Life… magic. I was a pre-teen with two younger siblings and this was television that spoke to us. Shows about weirdos, outsiders, misfits and dorks. They were low-budget, kind of bizarre, and chock full of fart jokes – and leading the way with fart jokes and awkward casting was Salute Your Shorts, a short-lived pre-teen comedy about a bunch of kids from all walks of life, spending their summer at Camp Anawanna.

Yesterday I happened to notice that TeenNick is running a Salute Your Shorts marathon this weekend I pretty much freaked out. My husband is a little older than me, and was what you might call “an outside kid,” unlike me, so he had no idea what was wrong with me as I marched around the house singing, “Camp Anawanna, we hold you in our hearts. And when we think about you, it makes me want to fart!”

This, of course, transitioned directly to me chanting “Awful waffle! Awful waffle!” while stomping around the kitchen. I knew I had to create an Awful Waffle in honor of one of my happiest childhood memories – what what could it be? (Time out. If you don’t know what an Awful Waffle is, please read this excellent article about the most memorable Salute Your Shorts moments.)

Well, the show was about camp so my mind went to s’mores right away. S’mores waffles would be delicious, but I feel like a quick Google search would land you about 75,000 recipes for that. I thought back to my Girl Scouts days, and to the ONE time I ever went camping. What did we eat? Instant eggs… but that’s too awful. What else? What else? All I could remember eating – twice a day, in fact – was hot dogs. A hot dog waffle? Is that something that should exist? Yes. It must exist.

So here’s the thing… if I was a Salute Your Shorts character, I would absolutely hands-down be Bobby Budnick. I would hope this comes as no surprise to any of you. Played by Danny Cooksey (Sam from Diff’rent Stokes,) Bobby Budnick was an asshole with a heart of gold. His interests include Megadeth, Zeke the Plumber, and fellow camper Dina. He had a red mullet and I’m not sure any of his shirts had sleeves and he was perfect. Bobby Budnick is my spirit animal. And like Bobby, I am not a nature lover. I am a city kid through and through. I like video games and rock n’ roll, and if I’m going to eat a hot dog, it ain’t gonna be off a stick. It’s going to be Chicago style or someone’s getting roasted, toasted, and burned to a crisp.

So here it is, world. The Awful Waffle. My ode to camp counselor Ug Lee, to Donkey Lips, and to you, Bobby Budnick, where ever you are.

For the waffles you will need:

• 1 & 1/4 cups milk or soymilk
• 1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar
• 1 & 1/2 Tablespoons canola oil
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup sweet pickle relish
• 1/2 teaspoon Liquid Smoke
• 1/4 cup chopped white onion
• a handful of poppy seeds
• 1 & 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 & 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch
• pinch salt

You’ll also need:

• hot dogs (I used veggie dogs)
• tomato, cut into wedges
• celery salt
• yellow mustard

Then you:

Warm up your waffle maker. I recommend also warming your oven to about 200 degrees so you can keep the finished waffles warm while you work on the toppings.

In a large bowl, whisk together the milk, vinegar, oil and Liquid smoke. Stir in the relish and onion. Then, add the flour, baking powder, cornstarch, poppy seeds and salt. Stir until just mixed. Drop about 1/4 cup of batter into your greased waffle maker, and cook according to your waffle maker’s instructions. Mine took 3-5 minutes.

I sliced my veggie dogs first, and then cooked them on a hot griddle. You should cook yours whatever way you prefer, then slice them up. Top your waffles with hot dogs, tomato wedges, celery salt, yellow mustard and of course, a Kosher pickle on the side.

“Budnick, why don’t you just go swim in the lake?”

“Because fish fart in it!”

 

 

 

Sometime last year I was absentmindedly scrolling through my Facebook timeline when I was stopped in my tracks by an absolutely stunning face in a photo posted by my friend Roxanne. The face, I later found out, was attached to Miss Tess Munster, an up-and-coming plus size model from California. She’s been modeling hair accessories for Roxanne, among many other projects, and I only had to see a few more photos before I was making my way to her Facebook page to become a fan.

I’ve been following Tess for a year now, and every day my fandom grows a little more. Not only does she model “fatshions” so cute they make an average-sized gal like myself jealous, but she’s also a mom, a business woman and an activist. If you follow her on Tumblr you’ll see her offering words of encouragement to men and women of all shapes and sizes on a daily basis – be yourself, don’t let the fuckers get you down, beauty has no size, etc. (And please, for the love of Godzilla, consult her FAQ before you ask about her make up routine or where she gets her clothes!)

I finally decided it was time to step away from all the baking and destroying for a moment, and to introduce this inspiring woman to those of you who haven’t already seen her in the pages of Inked and Skorch Mag, or modeling your favorite plus-sized fashions. Speaking of which, stay tuned until the end of the interview for a sweet giveaway from Domino Dollhouse, one of Tess’ favorite clothing companies.

So Tess, you were discovered by a casting agent for A&E’s “Heavy” through your portfolio on Model Mayhem – what made you decide to pursue modeling in the first place? What were you doing before you started booking modeling jobs?

I had always wanted to be a model, but never thought that I would have the opportunity to because of my height and size. Once I landed the “Heavy” gig, I realized that was my chance to finally pursue my dream. Prior to modeling, I worked in banking and at a dental office.

Your style is a little retro, a little spooky and a little bit fairytale… what kind of little girl were you? Were you always dressing up and pretending?

I was always living in my own dream world. I have always had a very big imagination and I think that has a lot to do with my style. I spent my days hiding in the “clubhouse’” my grandpa had built for me and pretending that I was an actress, or some famous star. My mother would let me wear her makeup and clothes and I would dance around our house singing Ace of Base. While all of the girls around me were chasing boys, I was wearing Tweety Bird and playing with Barbies.

Do you feel like your personal style has changed or evolved since your modeling career has taken off?

Oh definitely. The access and knowledge that I have gained to different designers that I didn’t have before has really changed how I dress and look at fashion. Also, I have always loved fashion, but I didn’t learn how to truly love myself and feel comfortable in my own skin until I started modeling. With that came the confidence to be more adventurous with clothing. I take risks and don’t limit myself on what I “can’t” wear because of my size. Before modeling I didn’t even own lingerie, now I will wear a bustier or garter skirt out to an event. If you got, flaunt it, right?

Sometimes I read the fan letters you get on Facebook and Tumblr and I get choked up. It’s so amazing to see how much confidence you instill in other women of all shapes and sizes – did that take you by surprise at first? How do you feel about being a role model?

Yes, it was surreal… It still is. When I got my first letter I cried, and I thought, “Who? Me?” To this day, I don’t consider myself a role model, but more of an “ambassador” for women and men of all sizes, sex, race, etc. Believe it or not, I get a lot of emails from gay men that relate to me because they to know what it’s like to be treated like an outcast for something you cannot change. The message of loving yourself is universal, and affects us all whether we admit it or not. I just try my very best to make sure that everything I’m doing and saying is setting a good example for everyone that is watching me. There are so many examples of what not to do out there, and I don’t want to be one.

I’ve heard you say that the key to confidence is to surround yourself by positive people who build you up rather than tear you down. (And when all else fails, put on some lipstick and go out and have fun.) Do you still have moments when your confidence waivers? If so, what triggers that?

Like everyone, I’m human so I most certainly have my moments. It’s usually a combination of the opposite sex, online “trolls,” and old insecurities that sneak up on me. However, when I encounter those feelings, I just remind myself that I’m fabulous, and if other’s can’t see it, that’s their problem, not mine.

What are some misconceptions you think people have about plus size models and the plus size modeling world?

That it’s easy…and it’s not. We don’t just stand there and take photos, there is so much blood, sweat, and tears that goes into every photo, every job, and it takes a very strong woman to succeed in this very tough industry. Also, women don’t understand that a size 10 is industry standard whether they like it or not. With that being said, they have to remember that it’s just as hurtful to the “smaller” plus models to be bashed because of their size just like it is for larger plus models like myself. We are all working for the same cause and we can accomplish so much more united.

I’ve heard you say that some members of your family, and sometimes even your own friends don’t approve of your size, and get on your case to lose weight. How do you handle the assumption that a size 22 woman can’t be healthy? What do you do to stay healthy?

Simple… I ignore their ignorance. Do I eat cheeseburgers, cupcakes, and all things awfully delicious? Yes. Do I do it all the time? No. I try my very best to keep everything in moderation. I absolutely love to cook, and growing up down south, I only knew how to cook really fatty foods. So, I started reading and researching about how to eat and cook healthy. I drink a ton of water, exercise, and stay away from soda as much as possible.

Who are the people in your life who have always been supportive of you and your career?

My mother is really the only person that ever believed in me growing up and still to this day. She always encouraged me to chase after my dreams no matter how absurd or impossible.

Growing up I was the pasty skinned girl with her nose stuck in a Greek mythology book, and later I was the “devil worshiper” in a Catholic High school. Now that I’m a grown woman and I’m comfortable with who I am, it’s so important to me that my son be accepting and understanding of people from all walks of life. How does being a mom influence your mission to empower other women?

I grew up in the “bible belt” where no one respected anyone that was considered out of the “norm”. That’s the reason why I do not live where I grew up because I too want my son to respect everyone, regardless. It’s a fact that we are not born prejudiced, it is taught, and it’s up to us to break the cycle and teach our children to love themselves and one another.

A few weeks ago someone on Tumblr used your photo as “thinsporation” on a pro-anorexia blog. They say “haters gonna hate” but how do you prevent things like that from raining on your parade?

When I first encountered that photo, and other down right evil things people have said about me, I was angry. Then, I realized that I cannot be mad at them because clearly they are sick and need help. I understand that not everyone has fully accepted who they are, and some never will, so for them, seeing a bigger girl like me in a bikini or sometimes…nothing at all, is foreign to them. So, what do we do as humans when we don’t understand something? We tear it apart instead of educating ourselves and opening our minds and hearts. So for me, instead of taking the road of hate towards them, I just hope that one day they learn to love themselves and get the help they need.

Let’s talk about fun stuff now… What is the single best cupcake you’ve ever eaten?

The Lemon Blueberry Cupcake from Sprinkles in Beverly Hills. YUM!

If you could steal the wardrobe from any movie ever made, what movie would it be?

I cannot choose just one, but I can narrow it down by saying either Tank Girl (because let’s face it, who wouldn’t want torpedo boobs?!) or The Great Gatsby. I know it’s not out yet, but based on the photos I have seen, I would die to prance around in it all.

What song results in a guaranteed dance party every time you hear it?

It’s a tie…and an odd tie at that: The Faint – Worked Up So Sexual. I cannot help but dance all over the room when it pops up on iPod! Murder City Devils- Boom Swagger Boom. They are my favorite band, so perhaps I’m a bit partial, but how can you not shake what you got to this song?

Are there any current fashion trends you’d like to make illegal?

Where do I begin?

Stirrup pants, they are down right awful and should have never been in style 20 years ago.

Ed Hardy & Affliction clothing makes me cringe, and I think it should all be burned and looks ridiculous.

Uggs. Enough said.

Jeggings. They don’t look good on anyone, and jeans are so rad – why ruin the idea of them?

2011 was jam-packed for you, and you just booked your first overseas shoot in Australia. What other forms of magic does 2012 hold for Tess Munster?

I think the best is yet to come! In the next month I’m hoping to launch my website, and start expanding into other areas of the industry. I am also modeling for a couple new clothing companies that I’m very excited about, as well as traveling and speaking to women about my journey of finding self love. I recently joined forces with a couple magazines that I will have monthly features in, so I will also be writing a lot more…which I love! Last, but not least, I will be spending more time with my son, and taking time to appreciate how far I’ve come, or as they say “stopping to smell the roses”. I know life won’t always be this sweet, and I want to appreciate every moment while it’s here!

If you could go back in time and tell 12-year-old Tess one thing, what would it be?

The bullies don’t know what they are talking about, and that you really are beautiful. So what that you are a little bigger than most girls, you are healthy, and there is nothing wrong with the way you look. Being unique isn’t bad, it’s just different…and not everyone will understand that, but that’s OKAY! Just be yourself, and everything else will fall into place.

DOMINO DOLLHOUSE GIVEAWAY!

Domino Dollhouse founder and Chubble Bubble blogger Tracy Broxterman was sick of the drab fashion options out there for a size 14+ lady, so she took matters into her own hands. These days, Domino Dollhouse offers some of the cutest “fatshions” out there, many of which are modeled by the girl of the hour, Tess Munster. Tracy has been kind enough to offer a $50 gift certificate to Domino Dollhouse to a Bake and Destroy reader! (If you aren’t plus size, don’t fret, I’ve ordered accessories from DD and they are way cute!)

To enter, leave a comment on this post that finishes this sentence, “I love my _______.” Yep, tell me one thing you love about yourself – is it your luscious lips? Your goofy laugh? Your big feet?

For a bonus entry, Tweet your answer at @DominoDollhouse and leave a comment here with the link to your tweet!

I’m randomly choosing a winner on 3/21 – good luck!