I check my stats every night to see what people are searching for that lands them on my blog here. Mostly it’s “Sweet Mandy B’s buttercream recipe” which I told my SMB-employed friend tonight, hopefully she’s flattered. Anyway, I check because I like to see what people are interested in so I can try out and sometimes even develop new recipes. For instance, a lot of my hits are from people searching for vegan cupcake recipes. So I’m going to try as many as I can and post the good ones, and make fun of the bad ones.

Anyway…that’s the normal people. Searching for cake recipes and the like and finding my site, which may or may not be helpful to them. But tonight, I want to address some of the funniest/weirdest search engine terms I’ve had hots from so far.

1) How can I use expired cake mix? Ok, first, I love the terms that are complete sentences, that cracks me up. Like, when I search for a recipe I just Google “vegan chocolate cake recipe” or “naked pictures of Sarah Silverman.” I don’t type “Where can I find purple and green striped knee high socks that are made out of something itchy but that won’t smell bad after I wear them jogging?” Because that, my friends, is NOT how the Internet works. Even those stupid engines that claim to answer questions don’t work like that. Also, how do you own expired cake mix? Cake mix is good for YEARS. It’s almost completely made out of delicious chemicals. Also, cake mix is literally one dollar. It’s almost always on sale and it’s ONE DOLLAR. If it sat in your house for so long that it expired I’d say you got your dollar’s worth out of it. Just let it go and spend another dollar on new cake mix. And hey, maybe you should buy it when you want to bake a cake instead of buying it and letting it sit there until it expires. Finally, here’s my suggestion for what to do with expired cake mix besides throw it away: bake a fucking cake. What kind of answer is this person expecting to find?

2) Cupcake recipe using only one egg. My mom explained to me tonight that this was probably someone who only had one egg in their fridge and wanted to make cupcakes anyway. My response to this person despite the explanation: go to the store, you flipping stoner. Baking is a SCIENCE. You can’t just wing it because you’re too lazy and high to go buy more eggs. Wait until tomorrow, if you’re still hungry for cupcakes then GO BUY EGGS.

3) hot guys in tuxedos What? First, what? Why are you looking for this? And second, why did you end up on my page from that search? So far, the only “guy” on my blog is Lemmy and he isn’t very hot and hes certainly not wearing a tuxedo. Weird.

4) is terry hope romero pregnant Ha ha ha ha ha. I don’t know what to say to that.

There are so many more, but I don’t want to start being bitchy here. Well, I am bitchy, but I don’t need to be bitchy about people who are reading my blog. I love that peopel read my blog, it gives me a false sence of importance. But I will say that some of you who stumble my way are really sick/hilarious. And in hopes that I will attract more disgusting and awesome people I will now write several terms that I either find humorous or like to talk about. The ones that get the most hits over the next few days will be subject or future bogs.

And just so this wasn’t totally free of baking info, here’s a little something for you. I made my mom’s birthday cupcakes today (see cupcake recipes) and they were yum. But I way way way altered the buttercream recipe because that ones I posted is WAY too strong flavored and not fluffy enough, If you make it, add about 1/4 cup vegetable shortening, about 1 tsp. vanilla, a few tbs. confectioner’s sugar and whip the snot out of it in a chilled bowl. I whipped mine for about 25 minutes.

Terms I hope will lead sweet weirdos to my blog: bloodsports insult comedy anal bleaching cosmetic surgery gone wrong naked celebrities severed limbs serial killers antique bakeware poop stories food poisoning ethnic hair care skin rashes eyeball diseases hilarious Mexican rabbit statues rabid animals