Vegan Coconut Lime Cupcakes

Originally uploaded by Bake & Destroy!

Hi. I know I’ve been blowing it on recipes lately. The truth is… well, there are two truths. One is that my new ice cream attachment has taken over my life. Where cupcake recipes one lived, wacky ice cream ideas now take up space. The other truth is that I’ve been baking a lot lately, but nothing new. Two wedding showers, Mother’s Day, DIY trunk shows and various other events… and not once did the person I was baking for say, “Make me something weird that you can blog about.” Bullocks.

But don’t bail on me yet because I have something to say. To every magazine boasting “guilt-free” summer recipes, and to every bottle of cake-scented shampoo promising a treat “without the guilt” I would like to say: fuck you.

You know, we rag on other women for being too thin, for having cellulite, for getting “caught” eating at McDonald’s. I’m not trying to run a Women’s History 101 here, but I just graduated with a degree in journalism and seeing cover lines like “Guilt-Free Pie!” makes me wish I had a wiener with which to pee on on things, namely newsstands.

When is the last time you read about Jim Belushi being a fat fuck? Because on top of being the opposite of funny, he’s fucking fat. Andy Dick, while funnier than Belushi, is really, really thin. Hey, let’s freak out about his manorexia! Or wait, let’s just ignore him and ride Posh Spice for being so skinny. The only thing that could possibly be worse than being as thin as her would be being as fat as Oprah. Nevermind her money and power- she’s not ready for bikini season!

I don’ t know, I don’t want a Tyra Banks moment or anything, I’m just saying… can’t we just eat and be fat (or not) and happy? Who cares? Santa’s fat, everyone likes Santa. I try really, really hard to keep this blog about baking and eating. Sometimes I try to get you to donate to a worthy cause or I make some suggestions for various holidays but mostly it’s about food. Food is one of the best reasons not to kill yourself. It’s how I show people I love them, it’s how I know other people love me. It tastes good, it keeps you alive, it’s fun to make and when there’s nothing else on TV there’s always Food Network. Even if it’s that douchebag who wears sunglasses on the back of his head and eats at diners. Food gives me something to blog about besides Slayer and the UFC. I love food and I will never, ever feel guilty about eating it. I don’t need some magazine or a bottle of bubble bath to grant me access to deliciousness “without the guilt!”

For those about to eat, we salute you!