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Happy Holidays from Betty Turbo

Yo! I’m not going to say I can’t believe it’s time to do this again already because I say that every year, but I will say that I can’t believe Bake and Destroy is four years old! I started this blog when Teno was only a few months old. I was working as a nanny and taking care of him and with all the naps going on in my house I had a lot of down time. What I didn’t have, however, was much cash to go out and buy sweet treats with. Plus, I was the first of my friends to procreate and  a lot of them weren’t equipped to handle a trip to the cupcake shop with me and a kid hanging off my boob. So I figured I’d keep in touch with friends and document my progress as a baker in a little blog I called Bake and Destroy.

Here we are four years later and I’m putting together another gift guide for the folks who make all this blogging worth while. I can’t thank you guys enough for the years of kind words, insightful comments and oh yeah, t-shirt sales that helped put me through my last year of college! Stick it out til the end of this post to see what kind of prizes I’m offering up for your years of faithful readership.

Last year I reorganized my gift guide into Gifts for the Baker, the Horror Fiend, For the Broad Who Has Everything, For the Vegan, For the Crafty Bitch and For the Tree Hugger. This year I decided to un-organize, and just give you highlights from all the best gifts I’ve given and received this year, and maybe one of two things I wouldn’t mind seeing under the Festivus pole come December. So here it is, the 2010 Bake and Destroy Holiday Gift Guide… in your FACE!

soap

Finally, a brownie you can wash your ass with!

First up, something for your loved ones to spread all over their bodies – soaps, lip butters and perfumes from Soapopotamus. In the past year I’ve purchased items as universally loveable as Grape Drank lip balm and Sugar Wafer Cookie goats milk soap to acquired tastes like Italian Sausage lip butter (don’t panic, it’s just basil, star anise and black pepper.) Packaged adorably, these are great gifts for your foodie friends or anyone who might like to wash his or her armpits with a donut.

Another item I’ve happily given away this year is prints from Betty Turbo. She loves baked goods and pro-wrestling and that’s all you need to know. I gave a heartbroken friend the No Time for Crappy Thoughts print and I have no doubts it was the reason she was able to move on. OK, that’s a slight exaggeration, but if someone doesn’t send me this Ric Flair vs The Giant Squid print I might scream. Like what you see? You can win a print from Betty Turbo in this very giveaway!

Speaking of wrestling, I’m sure those of you who grew up watching all formed your own tag teams like me and my friend Patty Saldana did . Maybe you even wore one of your mom’s extra-wide belts and pretended to be the world champ. Well, in my world I’m known as Sweet Tooth, and my finishing move is the Sugar Coma. I have my own championship belt and it’s this one right here from ContrivedtoCharm. (Not suitable for my fellow vegetarians, sorry!)

“Sandwich, sandwich, I’m in love with you,
You’ve got lettuce, and tomatoes too,
Mayonnaise and cheese, you’re the one for me,
Sandwich!” - Parry Gripp

Do you sing songs to your sandwich, or know someone who does? CagedTomato can immortalize your favorite sandwich with a Custom Sandwich Portrait.

Know who’s awesome? Bill Murray. Spoiler alert: this appearance in Zombieland was one of the highlights of my year. Now I’m not particularly crafty, but I do know how to cross stitch. So imagine my excitement when I found out that I could cross stitch and expression of my love for Bill Murray thanks to Bombastitch! Speaking of the man with the adorably crooked face, you can wear his mug on your shirt thanks to Samzilla. If you’d like to win one of Bombastich’s awesome cross stitch kits stay tuned til the end of this post!

Side note: I own that Bill Murray shirt and once time when I wore it to work one of my co-workers laughed and said, “Nice shirt!” I’m like, “thanks.” And he goes, “Is it Hitler?” Yeah… because I own a Hitler shirt. And I wear it to work. And you think it’s awesome. Yeah…

On with the show! Just a few weeks back I found myself gift wrapping a 1/2 gummy bear and thinking to myself, “Oh man, Lisa is going to love this stupid thing.” I gave that same friend ice cream cone scented hand wipes and made a crude joke about what she could use them for. It involved a 1/2 lb gummy bear.

Here’s a little story about a present I bought myself… I’d had a crappy day at work and Tony was at the Tim & Eric tour with his friends. I started paging through Bust and saw an ad for BuyOlympia.com featuring hilarious “professional” animal prints I’d seen at the Renegade Craft Fair over the summer. After poking around the site, I stumbled upon a Team Natalie t-shirt. I had that thing in my cart so fast I almost didn’t even see the description. Apparently the money raised from shirt sales are going to help artist Natalie Cox battle a rare and aggressive form of cancer called Angiosarcoma. Everytime I wear my new shirt I will remember that me and Natalie Cox are awesome and cancer is a total asshole.

Speaking of buying yourself (and others) things that look cute and preform good deeds at the same time, you should check out the cute hair things my friend Roxanne makes in her shop, Original Cenz. Roxanne’s little boy is also battling cancer, and every purchase in her shop helps a really cool family keep it together as they fight the good fight. Soon enough you’ll have a bathroom full of bows like me. Some of my other favorites from from Lucky Cupcake Hairclips and Hell Razor. Want to win a big cupcake-themed hair flower from Hell Razor? Check out the end of this post, dude!

Earlier this year I sent Joy of Lucky Cupcake Hairclips and my friend Danielle both gift cards from Bake It Pretty. This is a guaranteed win if the person you’re buying for is remotely cool at all. From gourmet ingredients for candies and cakes to super cute lollipop molds to easy-peasy baking and decorating kits all the bakers on your list will find something they want at Bake It Pretty. And you can win one of two awesome prizes Bake It Pretty is offering up if you stick around til the end of this post!

Off the hook cuteness from Bake It Pretty

Here in Chicago we’re very lucky to have the Logan Square Kitchen, a LEED-certified shared-use kitchen that offers small confectionery businesses a commercial kitchen space in which to work. Why do I feel lucky to have this facility in my city? Because once every few months they hold a pastry market showcasing their artisans and other small pastry and candy shops and I get to go there and eat until I want to die. I wish I could fly one of you out to experience the Christmas market, but I’ll do the next best thing – I’ll send one of you a gift bag of treats from of my favorite vendors! See the end of this post for details!

Finally, instead of giving a gift that may or may not be appreciated this year, consider donating to a good cause in your loved ones honor. Instead of birthday gifts last year and this year alike I’ve asked my friends to donate to Grind for Life, my personal favorite non-profit. The generous donations my friends have made mean more to me than any tangible gift could ever mean. Although I would still like that Ric Flair print.

So here’s the part where you get gifts! (Maybe.)

Each day for 7 days (starting on 11.26.10) I will randomly choose one person who leaves a comment on my blog to win a prize below, beginning with prize #1 and ending with prize #7. To be fair to my donors, this giveaway is open to those with a US shipping address only.

  1. Snowy Holiday Bakers Bootie from Bake It Pretty
  2. Large Cupcake Flower Clip from Hell Razor
  3. Your choice of a Zombie Cross-Stitch Kit or Cupcake Cross-Stitch Kit from Bombastitch
  4. A set of Thank You and Have A Nice Day eco-friendly reusable bags from reuseit.com
  5. Classic Holiday Bakers Bootie from Bake It Pretty
  6. Your choice of an awesome print from Betty Turbo
  7. Logan Square Kitchen sampler featuring items from Jo Snow Syrups, Tinycakes, Rich Chocolates, Fritz Pastry, Salted Caramel and more!

But what to comment? That’s easy, tell me about the best gift you ever received. Was it a Kitchen Aid stand mixer, a hug from your mom, a miraculous recovery from flesh-eating bacteria? You tell me.

Thank you again for four years of love and support. The only way I can think of to explain how much you all mean to me is to upload a video of me singing Wind Beneath My Wings. And so, my holiday gift to you will be to not do that. Ever. Happy holidays, and good luck!

The Wiener’s Circle

  1. Elise is takin home the Snowy Winter Baker’s Bootie from Bake It Pretty!
  2. Amanda is looking fierce with her new cupcake hair flower from Hell Razor Art!
  3. Tarran will have you in stitches with her cross-stitch kit from Bombastitch!
  4. Plastic bags blow, and Carey can say it with pride because she owns 2 totes from reuseit!
  5. Jax is shaking her booty because she won Classic Holiday Bootie from Bake It Pretty!
  6. Liz is doing the happy dance because she won herself a print from Betty Turbo!
  7. Jen H. is about to feel really good and really full because she won the box of Chicago amazingness thanks to various cookers and cakers!

Thanks for playing, everyone!