Cannibal Corpse Crock Pot

There are two things I’m looking forward to next week: my son turning five, and the DVD release of Cannibal Corpse’s Global Evisceration. Teno has his own blog, so let’s focus the kings of American death metal, shall we?

Featuring cover art by Vince Locke, this 3-hour long DVD release features footage from two live shows and plenty of behind the scenes stuff. Nope, I’m not selling it or anything… I’m just pretty stoked on it. Aside from Pee-wee’s Playhouse, Cannibal Corpse is one of the only things I have consistently liked since I was a child.

Tony isn’t much for death metal, but he came up with a recipe in honor of Global Evisceration anyway, because that’s what good husbands do. Oh, and he just bought a crock pot despite my protests that everything that comes out of a crock pot tastes like sadness and old people. So far he’s been proving me wrong, including this time with his spicy, savory Shredded Humans. (Oh, and its vegan because I like to listen to songs like¬†Butchered at Birth but I’m too snobby to eat meat.)

You’ll need:

  • Your favorite meat substitute (2 packages of extra firm tofu, pressed; a package of chickenless strips, etc)
  • 2 cloves of garlic, minced
  • 1 & 1/2 cups ketchup (read the label, they sneak high fructose corn syrup in there – avoid that!)
  • 3 Tbs brown sugar
  • 2 Tbs low-sodium soy sauce
  • 1 Tbs apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tsp Sriracha chili sauce

Throw everything in the crock pot and cook on low for 5-6 hours. Serve on lettuce, or on your favorite roll. We had it on a pretzel roll because we’re fancy.

For more gruesome recipes, check out my book The Joy of Cooking Humans (featuring recipes that call for human flesh!) Available for FREE download here.