I grew up in Channahon, IL  - population 12,560. It’s a quiet place inhabited these days mostly by old folks, and it isn’t known for much. In fact, when I found out that Nick Offerman’s dad taught social studies at a junior high in Channahon I burst in on Tony in the bathroom to tell him about it. It’s literally the most exciting fact about Channahon you will ever learn. But it was a good place to be a kid – lots of wide-open spaces to run around in, and steep, steep hills to ride your bike down. (My mom doesn’t like when I compare that to the dirt bike scene in Gummo, but that’s what it reminds me of.)

Of the many things Channahon is not famous for, it is probably least famous for its cuisine. For most of my life the only non-chain restaurant around was a truck stop called Sarah’s Place that served re-heated frozen delicacies like jalapeño poppers and chicken fingers. But that didn’t bother us, because my family could potluck and cookout with the best of them. Burgers and hot dogs took a backseat to the sides that my mom, cousins and aunt would whip up. My mom’s taco salad (that she started making with fake meat for me in 1998 and no one has noticed to this day), my cousin Mikey’s twice-baked potatoes and my Aunt Cindy’s taffy apple salad stand out as favorites in my memory.

After receiving a sneak peek package of Chicago Vegan Foods‘ Dandies Mini Vegan Marshmallows I decided to revisit my aunt’s go-to side dish with all vegan ingredients. (These will be available in the fall – until then, you can use kitchen scissors to snip full-sized Dandies into smaller pieces.) Turns out, it’s actually way less work than the original! I made some swaps, too, like walnuts in place of peanuts and tart green apples in place of Red Delicious – but if you could definitely switch back if you wanted to. Taffy apple salad recipes vary – some call for crushed pineapple, some call for chopped up Snickers bars – so in this recipe I made sure to capture the essential elements of whipped cream, nuts & apples and did my best to include a hint of sugar and salt.

Use this recipe for candied walnuts (although I up the salt to 1/4 tsp). To make coconut whipped cream, place two cans of full-fat coconut milk in the refrigerator overnight. The next day, carefully turn them over and open the bottom. Pour out the water, and place the thick cream that’s leftover into a mixing bowl. Use a handheld electric mixer to beat the cream until it’s thickened. You may wish to add a 1/2 tsp of xanthan gum or another vegan whipped cream stabilizer to keep the whipped cream from separating over time. I didn’t sweeten or flavor the coconut cream in this recipe, although you could add 2 Tbs of confectioner’s sugar and 1/2 tsp vanilla extract for that authentic Cool Whip flavor.

What are some childhood food favorites you’d like to see receive a makeover?

Yes, Bake and Destroy has been around for 6 years and this is only the 5th annual Mother’s Day Gift Guide. Part of being a mother is accepting the fact that nobody is perfect, not even you. Once again I have assembled a motley crew of ladies – from an eclectic wrestling fan to a college professor – to spark your gift-giving imagination. Maybe you’ll see something you’d like for yourself, or maybe there’s something here that your own mom would love – the magic of this gift guide lives inside YOU.

Don’t forget to check out the end of this post to find out how you can win one of two ridiculously cool prize packages that are up for grabs!

For the Crafty Mom

I had to ask Jen Davis to write this one. Had to. See, not only does she operate a super crafty Etsy shop with her mom, Jan – but my mom and her mom happen to be besties. Jen and I grew up together, and even when she was cheerleading and I was fist-fighting boys we always stayed friends thanks to the strong model of female friendship our own moms gave us. So here are Jen’s picks for moms who make stuff!

So you are looking to buy a gift for the crafty mom in your life and you have no idea where to begin. Obviously, the easy choice is to buy a giftcard to Joann Fabrics or Hobby Lobby but if you are hoping to really knock her knitted socks off this Mother’s Day, here are a few gift ideas that any crafty mom is sure to love.

1. 

   ThePolkaDotPosie camera bag – $89

   Something “Hobby Specific.” If the crafty mom in your life is never without her DSLR camera, consider a cute camera strap or bag like these from ThePolkaDotPosie. (Save 10% when you enter BAKEANDDESTROY10) If she paints, peak around her studio and look for supplies that are running low and replenish them for her. If she does paper crafts, you could blow her mind with a new Cricut Machine or cartridges. And finally, if your mama loves to work the needles, consider getting her a new project kit from KnitPicks.

2. Something to Inspire her. Thanks to websites like Etsy, crafty moms everywhere are turning their favorite hobbies into thriving online businesses. Inspire your crafty mama and pick her up a copy of “How To Sell Your Crafts Online,” by Derrick Sutton. This book helped my mom and I start our Etsy shop and we’ve been going strong for over a year now!
3. Something to Keep her Organized. The only person that can trash a room faster than a toddler is a crafter. Help your mama stay organized this year with an awesome mobile craft cart like this 12-Drawer Chrome Organizer Cart by Honey-Can-Do.
4. Something to Spark her Creativity. This gift is for the tech savvy Mom who loves digital scrapbooking and crafting or wants to learn how. My Memories Suite software will help her edit and archive pictures, make cards and calendars, create party favors, labels, cupcake toppers and more! )You can also save $10 on this software by entering code STMMMS75437 at checkout.)
5. Something to Keep her Hydrated. Have you ever been to a weekend sewing retreat? Or an all night scrap crop? No? Well let me tell ya…crafters are HARDCORE. We put in long hours and burn some serious calories while we are cutting, sewing, gluing, beading, stitching, painting, and knitting. And when we are in the middle of a craft marathon, it’s important to stay hydrated and remember this very important rule, “No Coffee, No Workee.” Obviously, this is the perfect mug for that.

For the TV Casualty Mom

Agnes Barton-Sabo, better known as Betty Turbo, is my spirit animal. Like me, she is obsessed with cult television shows and pro-wrestling, and unlike me, she is a wildly talented illustrator, painter and plushie-maker. Have I mentioned that she illustrated my cookbook? Because that is also true. Check out her picks for the pop culture-obsessed mom & check out the end of this post to see how you can win the card of your choosing from Agnes’ shop!

I used to tell time on summer vacation by whether I could hear Matlock or Murder, She Wrote playing when I woke up.  My mom and I have always enjoyed watching mysteries and crime procedurals together, from Perry Mason to Veronica Mars.  Whether your mother is a foul-mouthed HBO junkie, or a carefully coiffed classic sitcom devotee, there are lots of fun options for TV-themed gift giving beyond plain old DVDs.

1. 

   Twin Peaks Fabric by Bridgeen Gillespie – from $17.50/yd

   Test Pattern Pillows by Barbara Perrino - A fun nod to the television itself, and also a really attractive, bright, modern addition to your sofa!  Or bed, or chair, or wherever you need that extra lumbar support to watch hours of tv at a time.

2. Stoneware TV Dinner Trays by Uncommon Goods  - Skip the microwave meals and serve mom’s finest home cooking in these ceramic trays. Dine in front of the tv without worrying about making a mess or missing an episode!  Also helpful for siblings with OCD concerns about foods touching…
3. Mad Men Game of Thrones Mashup art print by PJ McQuade - Cover two of Mom’s faves in one piece of art with this handsome tribute to Don Draper dressed for battle in the North!  Perhaps the Starks could have used the assistance of an ad man on their epic Winter is Coming campaign?  This scene probably already exists in Your Mom’s Sunday night dreams.
4. Keychains by PeachyApricot  - These artists have culled many gems from epically quotable shows like Parks & Rec and Arrested Development to create laugh-worthy shrinky dink keychains!  If your mom doesn’t know what “#LiveTweeting This Bitch” means, do her a favor and give her the Mother’s Day gift of a lesson in using Twitter.  Start by following Retta herself, (@unfoRETTAble), the actress who plays Donna, who is, in fact, hilarious.
5. Twin Peaks Fabric by Bridgeen Gillespie – This illustrator has created a whole line of Twin Peaks-inspired prints!  Order some fabric and make your mom a dress!  Or an apron!  Or a Double R Diner waitress uniform!  For the less sewing savvy, perhaps some tea towels, or a scarf?  Or if your mom is a super-seamstress, order fat quarters of each design and give them as quilting fodder!

 For Moms Who Drink and Swear

Crotchfruit. That’s what Nicole Knepper calls her children. But then, you probably already knew that because you’re probably already a fan of her hilarious blog, Moms Who Drink and Swear. Take a peek at her recent post, 5 Things I Do Not Want for Mother’s Day and you’ll know why moms everywhere have wine coming out of their noses as they laugh along with her brutally honest take on motherhood. Check out the end of this post to see how you can win one of two personalized copies of Nicole’s new book (three guesses what it’s called).

My father in law used to say, “That girl is so easy to please,” because when asked what I wanted for gifts, I’d always ask for special time with loved ones. Dinner together, going to movies or hanging out was all I wanted. Now that I have two kids, I just want some time to myself. And I want some other stuff too.

1. 

   Image via Icons Jewelry/Shutterstock

   Top Shelf Booze – Yeah, that’s right. I want a ginormous bottle of Grey Goose Vodka. I can justify buying a bottle cheap wine for myself every week, but spending SIXTY bucks for 1.75 liters of that smooth sauce would send me into a guilt and shame spiral so twisty and fast, I’d never be straight again. Oh but I adore it and I waaaaaant it. Gimmie Goose!

2. A Date With My BFF: ME – I want a night out – alone. I want to stroll along in Lincoln Square, have wieners at The Chicago Brauhaus, and then tuck into a corner with a glass of wine and a good book at The Book Cellar. As Greta Garbo said so many years ago, “I never said, ‘I want to be alone,’ I said, ‘I want to be let alone.’” That’s what I want! Just to be let alone for a bit. With books.
3. Sessions with a Professional Organizer – have a smattering of OCD and the attention span of a gnat. Not a good combination. I need someone to keep me focused and on task. I want Erin to hold my hand and help me tame the chaos.
4. GF Cooking Lessons - A few years ago I was diagnosed with celiac disease. This huge change in my life coupled with my lazy attitude toward all things food has wreaked havoc on my diet. I need and want to eat more delicious food that doesn’t cost six hundred dollars at Whole Foods. It would also be nice to stop cutting myself every goddamn time I try chop shit up. I hope knife welding is part of the lesson.
5. Love Letters – I love it when my husband and kids take time to write me little notes. Sure the ones made at school are cute and I save them (along with the coupons for chores that they never intend to allow me to redeem without whining) but what I really love and crave are the words that come straight from the heart. I love the scribbles and funny notes they create spontaneously at home or inside a silly card they find at the store.

 For the Running Mom

Erin Shea Smith is something else, man. She is an accomplished writer, serious business lady, marathon runner, mama, activist and, most impressive in my book: she was never mean to me in high school. I asked her, as a non-judgy healthy eater and active person, to pick some gift ideas for the ladies in your life who have a need for speed.

Running magazines will tell you that running is a low-maintenance sport. The authors of those screeds have never met me. In addition to how incredible running makes me feel – mentally I have yet to find any exercise that leaves me as blissed out as running – it also sates my need to indulge in gadgetry. Most runners will tell you that watches, socks, hair bands and GPSs don’t matter, and sometimes they don’t, but a shiny new way to measure your awesomeness out on the trail is a wonderful impetus for getting your butt out of bed.

1. 

   Nike Element Shield Max Running Jacket – $150

   Road ID – I have always had vivid, dark fantasies about my mangled body splayed out on a street, the result of a semi barreling into me mid-run. In the past I tucked into my shorts’ pocket a Post-It note with my husband’s name and cell number on it, but invariably it became sweaty and rendered useless. I finally splurged on a Road-ID and I love it. It hasn’t curbed my morbid tendencies, but it does make me feel better that should I meet a gnarly fate, my husband can be called.

2. Smartsoaks – Not too long ago I was at my local health food store when I came across The Duggan Sisters’ Smartsoaks products. One use I was hooked. Pure ingredients and effective as can be. Plus? The Duggan Sisters are local, hailing from the South Side of Chicago. Muscle aches and pains need water therapy, and after a long-run day, a soak in a tub filled with the grapefruit-scented variety is a spa-like experience.
3. Honey Organic Stinger Waffles – Long-distance runners are crazy about their fueling methods. While I’ve always stuck with Gu, when I come across it and have a few extra bucks in my pocket, I pick up these treats. They’re a satisfying snack and tasty as all get out.
4. Sweaty Bands – Ugly running doesn’t bother me. Uncomfortable running does. One of my biggest pet peeves is what to do with my hair when I’m running. I’ve tried a multitude of contraptions, but none seem to work as well – or are as cute – as Sweaty Bands. I have invested an obscene amount of money into these things and they’ve yet to deteriorate. Best on the market.
5. Nike Element Shield Max – I finally invested in a real winter running jacket this year. And in full-disclosure, my girlfriend works at Nike and got me a sweet discount. And while I know the cold weather is abating, this is the most amazing jacket I have ever owned, I wore it in ZERO DEGREE temperatures AT THE LAKE this winter in the dark and was as comfortable as can be. And because it’s on sale right now, I have to include it.

 For the Vegan Mom

Before I knew Leigh Saluzzi as the co-owner of Cosmo’s Vegan Shoppe, online shopping spot for all things vegan (now closed, R.I.P.) I knew her as a contributor to Send More Cops, a silly vegan blog I created and then instantly neglected. I couldn’t think of a cooler, more down to earth vegan mama to curate this list. Enjoy!

I may not know what every vegan mom could want for Mother’s Day, but I definitely know the kind of gift that I would want. Give me something fun for the kitchen I spend so much time in while making you delicious vegan meals, give me some adornments that make me feel pretty when I’ve been up half the night covered in toddler snot and haven’t had a decent haircut since the kid was born, and above all else, give me sweet treats all my own that I didn’t have to pick off the kid’s snack plate.

1. 

   Caramel-infused chocolate croissants – $15

   Nutritional Yeast Jar by Vessels and Wares – If she’s vegan and prepares homemade meals, then she probably has a bulk bag of nutritional yeast in the pantry. This pretty “nooch” jar is handmade by vegan potter Jeanette Zeis, and has a handy scoop that attaches to the side of the jar.  It’s pretty and functional!

2. VGN Anchor Necklace by Mishakaudi Jewelry – This piece is cool and casual. I don’t need jewels to wear while changing diapers, I need a necklace that will make me feel like I put some effort into dressing in the morning and still look good with a t-shirt. I love the message, too: “Veganism is my anchor”.
3. Wine Topstich Hobo Bag by Crystalyn Kae – So pretty and way better than leather, Crystalyn Kae glazes fabric to create a leather-like feel on her handmade bags. I’ll take this gorgeous wine hobo, please.
4. Cinnamon Rolls by Cinnaholic – If you are lucky enough to have a vegan bakery in your town, then run there and get that mom some damn cinnamon rolls for breakfast! If not, then Cinnaholic’s got your back. You can order a half dozen or even a full dozen of the Berkeley-based bakery’s vegan rolls and have them ship straight to mom’s door. $1 frosting shots are also an option in amazing flavors like caramel, almond, butterscotch, Irish Cream, and Pumpkin Spice.
5. Croissant-Infused Chocolate Caramels by Lagusta’s Luscious – Organic, fair-trade vegan chocolate is good all by itself. Hell, so are vegan croissants. Then Lagusta decided to go off the rails and take fresh baked croissants, blend them up with caramel, and stuff them into some organic croissant shaped chocolates. Lord have mercy.

 Giveaway Entry:

This giveaway is now closed – winners have been notified. Thanks to everyone who entered!

First of all, please be sure to check out all of these prize sponsor’s websites. Fan them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, etc. I couldn’t host amazing giveaways like this without them, so show them some love. You will receive one entry for doing each of the following – do as many or as few as you like:

1. Comment on this post & tell me your favorite mom from TV, books or film.
2. Use the Tweet button at the top of this post to share this giveaway.
3. Use the Pin It button at the top of this post to pin a gift pick item or one of the prize pack images. (Please tag me @bakeanddestroy so I see it.)
4. Grab an image from this post and share it on Tumblr with a link. (Please don’t use the Tumblr button above, it’s wonky.)
5. Post this image to Instagram and tag me @bakeanddestroy.

I will randomly select two winners by the end of Monday, May 6th. (Contest open to those with a U.S. shipping address only, please.)

Atomic Prize Pack:

• The greeting card of your choice from Atomic Spinster
• A signed copy for of Moms Who Drink and Swear courtesy of Nicole Knepper
• A sugar skull hairclip/brooch from Hell Razor
• A pair of carved bone skull earrings from Misfit Garden + free domestic shipping code: MOMS1
• A sexy pencil skirt in your choice of color from On the Trashy Side
• Your choice of two prints from Miss V Babydoll
• Quite the sassy t-shirt from Delicious Dames

 

Turbo Prize Pack:

• The greeting card of your choice from Betty Turbo
• Your own signed copy for of Moms Who Drink and Swear courtesy of Nicole Knepper
• A Lucky Cupcake Hairclips prize pack that includes a rose necklace, hair flower & bow
• This awesome record cupcake stand by Dan Cox (hit him up on Twitter if you’d like to order one!)
• Super cute mommy & me skull aprons from Cupcake Provocateur
• This amazing cupcake print and iPad case from Everyday is a Holiday
• A pair of cupcake ankle socks from Yummy You

Here is my secret to a winning vegan dinner recipe: Mix four things together. Make sure one of them is Doritos. The end.

At the time of this posting, Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos are the only vegan variety, although I hope their popularity will encourage Doritos to come out with more. Please be sure to check the ingredients before you buy as they may change over time and I’m way too lazy to come back and update this post. If this recipe floats your boat you’re going to love my cookbook. Pre-order it now!

Pot pies are a savory dish incased inside two flaky pastry crusts. This dish doesn’t have a crust at all, so technically it’s a casserole, but here’s the thing about that – I don’t care. I like to say “tot pot pie” and there is nothing anyone on this earth can do to stop me. Nothing. I might be small, but I’m quick with an eye-poke and I have burned bridges over things way more petty than this, so let’s not come to blows over me calling a casserole a pot pie, OK?

Anyway, this recipe features a spin on a vegan cheese sauce you’ll find in my upcoming book, Bake and Destroy: Good Food for Bad Vegans. You should probably click that link, because I recently added some quotes about the book from people like vegan cookbook author Julie Hasson and pro-wrestler Colt Cabana, and I’m just a tiny bit proud of those.

Here’s the recipe for Chee-Zee Sauce, you’ll need it to complete this dish:

• 2 cups warm water
• 1 & 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 cup raw cashews
• 1 cup nutritional yeast
• 2 Tbs cornstarch
• 1 Tbs lemon juice
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder

Dissolve the salt in warm water, then add the cashews and soak them for at least 1 hour. Place all the ingredients, including the cashews and soaking water into a food processor and blend until smooth. Transfer to a medium saucepan and cook over medium heat, whisking occasionally, until thickened (6-8 minutes). Keep an eye on it so it doesn’t burn. Remove from heat and set aside.

Pre-sales on my first book, Bake and Destroy: Good Food for Bad Vegans have been so overwhelming that I’m excited to announce I’ve already started work on my second book: Eat Shit and Die!

Whereas Good Food for Bad Vegans featured 100% vegan party foods like Totchos, Banana Bread French Toast Cupcakes and BBQ Salad, my latest book will send your stomach straight to hell with gut-busting recipes for Extra Mayo Deviled Eggs, Ham-Stuffed French Toast and Gluten-Free Bacon Cupcakes. I created this collection of bland, greasy, depressing recipes for those of you who prefer to snack while crying in the bathtub.

Look for Eat Shit and Die, and for my first book Bake and Destroy: Good Food for Bad Vegans wherever books are sold! (April Fools!)

Experienced vegans and vegetarians, step aside – I’m about to drop some knowledge on some of our newbie friends that you might already know. I think it’s worth talking about, though, because a lot of people ask me about soy-free vegetarian options, and/or inexpensive meal ideas and jackfruit is one of my go-to answers. If you’re super new to the whole not-eating-meat thing, you might also want to check out my Crash Course in Eating plant Strong.

What is jackfruit?

Jackfruit is a huge tree-borne fruit that typically grows in tropical regions. When ripe, they taste a little bit like a tart banana. Just close your eyes and think about that for a second… Tart. Banana. But we’re not here to talk about ripe jackfruit, we’re actually here to talk about young, or unripe jackfruit. Young jackfruit has a really mild flavor, and once you get your hands on it, it has the texture of shredded pork or poultry. Pretty weird, right?

Why should I eat it?

Well, like I said – jackfruit is an inexpensive, soy-free meat alternative, so it has that going for it. Like pretty much all fruit, jackfruit provides a decent burst of energy because it contains simple sugars like fructose and sucrose. It’s also a good source of fiber, and who doesn’t appreciate a healthy b.m.? Plus, it’s a pretty decent source of Vitamin C, is rich in B-complex vitamins (not so common in fruit) – and the seeds are a good source of protein. So stick it your mouth-hole today!

Where do I buy it?

Look for cans of young jackfruit in brine (not syrup) in Asian grocery stores, or if you have a nice international market nearby, look in the Asian section there. It should be under $2 for a 10 oz can. If you absolutely cannot find it anywhere near you, you can order it online. Or, if you are my mom and sister, ask me to bring you cans of it every time I visit, because I totally will.

What do I do with it?

Cook it with BBQ sauce, coconut milk and spices, or anything you like, really. Then, throw it on a bun, use it to top off a salad, toss it on a baked potato… the sky is the limit when you’re in the jackfruit cult.

No, like, literally – what do I do with it? Give me recipes, dummy.

Oh, right, I forgot no one knows how to use Google except for me. So, first you need to drain and rinse the fruit. Squeeze out as much of the water as you can, then rinse it and squeeze it again.

Once you’ve manhandled it, you’ll notice that it starts to take on a meaty texture. Also, the seeds will make their creepy, toe-like presence known. There is an 85% chance this will freak you out. Remain calm. Some people like to save the seeds and use them kind of like beans in other dishes. I am too hungry and impatient for that, so I just keep them in the mix. Now, there are lots of ways to cook jackfruit – you can simmer it in spiced coconut milk on the stove top, you can bake it, or, like me, you can toss it into a slow cooker. (I received a Ninja 3-in-1 Cooking System at the Food Bloggers Conference a few months ago and I make pretty much everything in there.)

There are a few official recipes in my book including a jackfruit breakfast hash and a savory BBQ jackfruit salad, but unofficially:

Eat it on a bun, on a salad, on a baked potato, nachos… do what thou wilt. That’s my story about jackfruit. Enjoy.